There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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