hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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