u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
