My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
