so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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