all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there was a trapeze. enough said
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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