I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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