Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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