I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
