i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
