I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
