Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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