the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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