How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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