That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
