You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
