Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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