I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
