How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
