i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
