I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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