Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't deserve a penis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
