Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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