I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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