So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
