He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
