I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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