I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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