I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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