is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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