My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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