Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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