I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How does one acquire holy water?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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