"it" just moved
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
