he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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