i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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