seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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