not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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