What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
