I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
