I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
don't judge my taste in strippers
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
