I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
