I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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