Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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