I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
