Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
