So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
