no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
