I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
