In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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