He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
