The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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