Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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