Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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