Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
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Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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