I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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