It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
false alarm, still single
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