I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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