oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
