They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
