I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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