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yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
