I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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