EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
